catching up, after three years

And the worst part is, I am right back where I started, it seems.
I had some easier times in there, with a steady - but soul-killing - job, so I wasn't freaking out all the time about health insurance.
The money was lousy, I was ten years over qualified for the job, and eventually I couldn't take it anymore.
So I quit. I got on J's insurance, and I went back to freelancing. Which was going just fine, until it was not. So now I am living on J's income, completely, looking for work (there is none), watching so much Law & Order that I might as well sign up for the Bar Exam, and generally freaking out about money most of the time.

I'm doing other stuff, I'm doing a good bit of writing, which makes me feel better. Surprisingly, to me, and every one else, I'm writing screenplays. J is helping, obviously. But I had a good idea for a feature, and he says the idea is the hardest part, he knows how to do all the rest, and he's teaching me.

I've also been teaching myself how to use the video editing programs we have on our computer, which is entertaining, but unless we can get Final Cut, not going to garner any money.

I was having some TERRIBLE migraines over the last three years, but I found the best doctor in the world, and now I am down to one every 6 weeks or so (knock wood), and we consider that under control. He does. I would consider "none" under control, but we compromise.
I had one last week, and now I have this thing called a "rebound headache", which is almost as annoying. Not as painful, but god. Such a drag.

I lost my dad in Dec 2005, which may have been when I stopped posting. I didn't feel like I had much to say for a long time. My dad's dead. And... I was so not ready for him to go, they had told us at Johns Hopkins he was fine. FINE. And then eight months later he went to the ER in some pain and died three days later. Longest three days in history, but at least he wasn't in any pain by then. He had no idea where he was. It was horrible.

I probably still think about him every day, but baseball season is the hardest time for me. I'm still not used to the fact that I can't call my dad up to talk about baseball in general, or a specific game, or spectacular play.

I'm a right ray of sunshine. I don't know that anyone would read this who doesn't already know it all. But it's 5:30am and I can't sleep and I damn sure can't be clever, so this is what we got, for now.

Peace.