ALL over the place

I haven't posted a thing in... well, I know it's been at least six weeks, because it was six weeks ago today that I got the right hand of doom cast on my thumb, and typing has been something of a trial.
I should warn you (and, okay, I know there is no "you") that I am in a shit mood here.
I'm in this apartment that I don't really want to be living in, but I feel as if I have no choice, because of the cheapness. I made a little spreadsheet? About the pros and cons? And one of the MOST damning things I had under "cons" was, I swear to god, "is in Jersey".
I know that makes me a snob, but I'm sorry, I don't want to live in Jersey. Do I need to live in fucking Gramercy Park or the Upper West Side? No, I don't, and I can't even if I want to, but one of the five boroughs. Well, not Staten Island. Or Queens. But I put Jersey behind me a long time ago when I left Hoboken and I never once looked back.
I have to want to stay here, because of the shitty salary the BIGGEST COMPANY IN THE WORLD is paying me and the fact that I am so far in debt and yet my salary is so low that I basically pay the rent and utilities and, like, eat, and then I'm out of money the day before I get paid again.
Part of this is the two near-$400 cell phone bills from the two months before I started working, there went all my money those months. Which, those are paid, and I won't have them anymore, but now there are other things, right?
Jason promised his mom we'd go to his family reunion the last week in July, that's going to be $400 airfare for the two of us, he can't afford to fly me there. If I don't soon go see my dad, he's going to get REALLY upset.
I'm never going to get caught up and pay off my credit cards, my credit is probably totally and completely fucked FOREVER now, I'm almost forty years old, I am never, ever going to get over this.
I could move back in with Jason for a few months, and splitting his rent it would be like $350, I think I could get ahead pretty fast that way. I don't want to do that, either. We did it for five months, somehow, although I wasn't working, so the fact that I practically never slept in that tiny bed wasn't such a big deal, I can start getting sleeping pills again on July 2, when my insurance kicks back in.
Speaking of insurance? I think I'm going to put Rob on my health insurance for now. He's a goddamn mess. I think - no, I know - this is probably a bad idea, but it seems like the sort of thing a human being would do for another human being. I can get him off in January if it's too much of a financial drain, or he says he'll send me checks for the difference. I'll write some more about that later.
My dad is still alive. He sounded pretty good today, because he can eat now. He's still having radiation every day, but he didn't have chemo this week, that has to be making him feel better.
This Chinese kid the Yankees have pitching is amazing. He got hit on the elbow in the second inning, and he's slowing down a little, but he's still throwing 97mph fast balls in the seventh. Their middle relief is outstanding. And Rivera. Is a superhero. We just need some young, left handed starting pitching.
I could not be more out of the habit of blogging, dude, I am just fucking rambling. This is no different from talking to me.
Also, I took a shot of NyQuil (which reminds me that if I'm up in a half hour I want to watch "Rescue Me" - it's a Denis Leary thing) and a xanax, which is probably not a recommended combination. Almost certainly not. Screen blurry. Goodnight.